


you knock and I let you in

by izzyasavestheday (stilessexual)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 09:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12229929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stilessexual/pseuds/izzyasavestheday
Summary: His voice broke, broke something terrible, something awful. Something, something unnamable cracked in his chest, clawed its way up his throat, and out of his mouth. The rot in his gut laying itself out for Liam to see.“I killed my sister,” he repeated, knees suddenly too weak to hold him up. His body was so, so heavy. “I killed my sister. I killed my sister.”--Or, the aftermath of the hospital.





	you knock and I let you in

**Author's Note:**

> title from Ruth B's song "Mixed Signals" 
> 
> this is unbeta'd and written in a very short amount time --all mistakes are mine.

_It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts._

Theo paced back and forth, back and forth, back and forth –on the verge of _something_ , something awful, something huge and terrible and all encompassing—

He heard that familiar heartbeat just behind him, that familiar scent surrounding him, and it took all of his will power not to growl, not to try, desperately, to scare Liam away. Too far for Theo to ever reach him –too far for Theo to ever ruin him.

 “Theo,” he said lowly, “Theo, what’s wrong?”

_Wrong?_

Theo hadn’t lied to Liam when he told him that people only felt one emotion at a time –because he’d believed that, intrinsically, because that was how he’d always experienced emotions –you only felt hurt, you only felt pain, you only felt the ache of hunger, touch hurt, touch was meant to hurt, touch always—

Liam reached forward to still Theo’s frantic pacing, hesitant, hand gentle on Theo’s wrist.

“Theo,” he tried again, “What’s—

“Are they okay?”

Liam quirked a brow, “Who?”

“Scott,” Theo scoffed, feigning annoyance. “Scott and the others, obviously. Keep up, Liam.”  

Liam rolled his eyes –but, there, there wasn’t an edge to it. There wasn’t malice. It wasn’t an attempt to hurt or demean—

It was –fond? Fond. Affectionate? No. _No_.

“Yeah,” Liam exhaled, relief palpable around them. “Yeah, everyone made it out okay.”

“I’m surprised Scott didn’t heroically sacrifice himself.”  

Liam’s laugh burst out of him unexpectedly –bright, brighter than anything Theo had ever seen.  

“He did actually,” Liam grinned, wide, wide, wide –beautiful, achingly beautiful, so beautiful. “But it turned out alright.”

Liam stared at Theo unflinchingly, openly –and Theo wanted to curl in on himself because it hurt. The shame that welled up inside of him warred with the sadness warred with something, something, that felt bigger than him, bigger than anything he’d ever experienced before.

“Don’t,” Theo croaked, “don’t look at me like that.”

Liam stepped forward, fingers still a hot hot hot brand around Theo’s wrist. “Like what? How am I looking at you?”

 _Like I’m important,_ Theo thought hysterically, _like I matter. Like what I did made up for all the horror I put you through._

It was –overwhelming, smothering.  

“I can’t do this,” Theo said, “I can’t be –I can’t do this.”

He wanted to run –he wanted, desperately, to stay. He wanted to bury his face in the crook of Liam’s neck and cry and cry and cry. Theo wanted to rip out his sister’s heart from his chest, just, so it would stop. Just so it wouldn’t hurt.

Maybe then he’d finally have a moment of rest.

“I can’t help you,” Liam whispered, impossibly close. “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

“Why would you want to _help_ me?” Theo asked, furious. Anger fought its way to the forefront—through the sadness, through the hurt, through the exhaustion. He was so angry, his hands shook with it. He suddenly understood the anger that blinded Liam so often. “Are you out of your mind? I manipulated you. I tried to kill Scott – I tried to get _you_ to kill Scott. I manipulated kids –Stiles. What I did to Stiles and Malia –fuck, _fuck._ I killed my sister –I killed my _sister._ ”

His voice broke, broke something terrible, something awful. Something, _something_ unnamable cracked in his chest, clawed its way up his throat, and out of his mouth. The rot in his gut laying itself out for Liam to see.

“I killed my sister,” he repeated, knees suddenly too weak to hold him up. His body was so, so heavy. “I killed my sister. I killed my sister.”

Theo slid to the ground, hurt, hurt, hurt. His hands, claws, tore at his chest, stop, stop, stop—

“It hurts,” Theo gasped, “It hurts. It hurts. It’s hurts—

And it did. hurt and hurt and hurt. Until it didn’t. Until the pain ebbed away and Liam’s face –his beautiful face, his full mouth tight—swam into view. Theo felt like he’d been sinking, sinking, sinking and now he was being pulled out. Liam was on his knees as well, hand pressed to Theo’s chest, the veins in his arm were dark with everything Theo had no longer been able to contain.  

“How,” Theo croaked, “how are you doing that?”

He wasn’t hurt, not in the traditional sense. There wasn’t a wound to see.

“Pain is pain,” Liam whispered, face too close. Never close enough. “It doesn’t matter if it’s psychosomatic.”

A beat of silence—

“Psychosomatic?” Theo questioned, laughing despite himself. “Seriously?”

Liam didn’t take the bait, didn’t allow the mood to lighten, or for either of them to forget that Theo still had hot tear tracks across his face. He just looked unbearably sad.

“I see you, you know.” He finally said, “Everything’s been crazy and, like, too much has been happening –but I see you, I see how much you’ve been struggling. I see how far you’ve come.”

Theo untangled himself from the safety of Liam’s embrace.

“Are you _crazy_?” he hissed, furious all over again. Terrified down to his rotting core. “How can you even—

“Theo,” Liam stress, “Just hear—

“ _No_ ,” Theo snapped, “You might be ready to ruin—

He was cut off by the hard press of Liam’s lips to his.

It wasn’t –it wasn’t because Theo had never been kissed before. Because he had. It was Liam. It was always, _always_ Liam. It was the warmth that spread from every single point of contact between them– it was the warmth between Theo’s ribs, the impossible expansion of his lungs, like he was desperately trying to impress Liam’s scent into his very bones. It was the gentle way Liam’s hands found Theo’s face, and urged him, softly, softly, on. The way Theo’s lips parted for him. The velvet smooth soft slide of Liam’s tongue against his. The hard warmth of Liam’s back underneath Theo’s hands, the powerful play of muscles leaving him empty and wanting in ways he had never, never—

“Listen to me,” Liam whispered, close enough that every word caught on Theo’s lips. He felt Liam’s ragged exhale against his mouth. He heard Liam’s heartbeat clattering in his ears. “Theo, are you listening?”  

“I hear you,” he replied – _I always hear you,_ he wanted to say. Ever since life had started again for him, all Theo ever heard or saw or felt was Liam.

Overwhelming. All encompassing. Burning.

Liam pulled back just slightly –Theo almost lurched forward to follow, the ghost-touch of Liam’s tongue still burning his mouth, he wanted to trace every inch of it— just far enough to train those big, big, big blue eyes steady on his face. Liam slid his hands from Theo’s face, across his neck, and settled them on his shoulders.

“I’ve never met anyone as fucked up as you are,” he said bluntly. Theo wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry. He wanted to nod empathetically –me either, he wanted to say. “I’ve never met anyone who has tried to redeem themselves the way you have either.”

_Oh._

“I’m gonna. I want to –I just.” Liam clenched his eyes shut, hands tightening minutely on Theo’s shoulders. And Theo? Theo was enamored. Captivated. Done for, entirely, completely.  

“What?” he whispered, urging Liam on. Theo’s hands found their way to Liam’s shirt and tangled in it anxiously.

“It’s not forgiven,” Liam said, the words tumbling out of his mouth. “It’s not. It can’t be –this isn’t the Vampire Diaries. We can’t just beat and hurt and ruin each other and then _forget_ about it. Life just – it doesn’t work like that.”

Theo’s head lowered, nodding, weighted with shame, with sadness, with the hurt of Liam’s rejection. It’s not –it’s shouldn’t be forgiven.

“But I want you,” Liam whispered urgently, “I want you around, Theo.”

Theo looked up quickly –those blue eyes were so wide, hands an anchor.   

“Are,” he cleared his throat, “are you serious?”

Liam smiled crookedly, “I don’t know how this would even work. I just –I just know that you were a kid when they took you. I know that even though you said you wouldn’t die for me –you’ve almost died for me too many times. I know I want you around.”

Liam detangled Theo’s hands gently from his shirt and laced their fingers together.    

Theo stared and stared and stared at their clasped hands—

“I don’t know how long I was there,” he whispered, knowing Liam would know what he meant. Liam knew _him_ in a way that no one had ever bothered to know him. “I don’t know how many times she –I don’t know. I don’t know.”

Theo clenched his jaw against the ever-ready onslaught of memories.

“You were the first face I saw,” he said hoarsely, “helping you was the first time I’d ever done something –something that wasn’t for me. Something that had nothing to do with my survival.”

The image of that kid, Gabe, swam into sight –bloodied, crying, alone at the end of the world. He’d been manipulated and twisted into something the adults in his life had demanded of him. But he was a kid –and he died, and Theo _hurt_ for him, in a way he had not been able to hurt for his own sister.

“I want to be around,” Theo finally whispered. “I want to –I wanna be with you. I want to be better. I know I can’t make up for what I’ve done. There is no way –but I just. I want to try. If you’ll have me, Liam, I want to stay.”

No malice, no hurt, no touch that was twisted into violence—

Liam smiled, effortlessly and brilliantly, and it was the most beautiful sight. Theo wanted to spend the rest of his life marveling at Liam’s wide smile, at the blue of his eyes.

He wanted to spend the rest of his life holding Liam’s fucking hand.

“I’ll have you,” Liam said, “We’ll figure it out, Theo. I’ll have you.”

He pressed forward, engulfing Theo in a kiss that broke him down and put him back together all over again—

It wasn’t over. It wasn’t over. There was still so much to do, so much to make up for, so many amends to make.

But—

Liam’s gentle hands found their way to Theo’s hair and tangled in it. Their bodies pressed together and it felt like a wide, aching, empty chasm in Theo’s chest mending.

and it hurt, it burned, but it was the best hurt Theo had ever felt.

The only hurt worth sticking around for.  

/end.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written for TW in a while but this ship made me feel really happy, so, thank you for taking the time to read this. This show and the friends I made through it got me through undergrad and grad school and a bunch of other hard times so I'm feeling especially sentimental about it ending. 
> 
> <3


End file.
